Sometimes it feels like there are two very different versions of myself- the first being the guy who has completely sold out to the great American Dream. Nice house and car, five kids, a stereotypically dependable job, and a relatively secure future; our kids take music and dance lessons and go to church on Sundays, we are card-holding members of various civic organizations, and we visit the theater on a regular basis. Things are stable. Predictable. It's all that a person could ask for, right?

But then there is the other version. The side of me that craves adventure and risk, loves feeling small, and is constantly seeking out new experiences. The passions often dance around from one thing to the next- unrestricted- constantly looking toward the next "flow state." Physical sensations are intensified, time stands still, and the entirety of one's existence is distilled down to a single moment that makes everything else fade away. That split second in time stands there in front of you, sparkling in its brilliance and filling you with a profound sense of wonder and awe. And then it cracks, just as suddenly, into a million pieces as the world races by and you are left staring at yourself from above, taking part only as a spectator as your body continues to move, to flow, to experience, to feel. Sure, it's a little selfish- but this, you tell yourself, is what living is all about.

And then the next day, it's back to work. Back to stability. Back to the world of planning, taking on responsibilities, paying taxes, buying groceries, shuttling kids, making financial decisions, relaxing comfortably, and having "fun." And there is nothing wrong with this world- Health, financial stability, and relationships all lead to long-term rewards while at the same time enabling a solid foothold into the more unfettered life I sometimes like to dabble in. It can just be jarring sometimes to go back and forth between two very different and seemingly incompatible mentalities.

That is how I feel right now as I write this blog. "Jarred." Yesterday morning I was standing alone on the side of a mountain. Visibility was low, the angle was steep, and the possibility of skiing off a cliff by accident was very real. My body went into motion, the turns came fluidly, and obviously things were fine. But that world of immediate, in your face action and consequences seems so remote to my current setting that it almost makes me question whether or not it actually even happened.

I enjoy that. Just like how pairing two very different flavors sometimes helps to accentuate the qualities of both, I feel like living in both worlds- the one of stability and the one of adventure- gives me a sense of gratitude and appreciation for each one that I wouldn't otherwise have. It's a good life.

*****

The hoops we had to jump through to get the whole family into Canada were almost enough to deter us from taking the trip. Everybody got passports a long time ago, and we thought things were good. But then, Canadian Covid restrictions came.

Everyone needed vaccinations. Check. 

Everyone needed to have a negative test that was taken no more than three days prior to entry. Check. 

Everyone had to be symptom free and ready for possible random covid testing at the border. Check.

Everyone had to have a plan in place to quarantine for fourteen days if any symptoms developed. Um...yeah. Check? We'll just take our chances on that one. 

In the end it wasn't that bad, but doing all this stuff times seven seemed like a lot of work to go through for a ski trip.

Was it worth it? You bet. On Friday night we made an uneventful drive across the border and continued on to our hotel in Golden. The next three days would be spent skiing in Banff National Park at Sunshine and Lake Louise, and it was spectacular in every way. The landscape was staggering in scope. The skiing was some of the best we have had (according to reports, we got some of the best days of the year), and we all made it out safely without injuries. 

I spent the early part of the days alone, exploring the big mountain feel of these places. At Sunshine Village these were the steep routes off Goat's Eye mountain, and at Lake Louise I found my happy place running laps off Eagle Ridge. I would then spend the afternoons skiing with kids- playing at terrain parks, blasting through powder-covered bumps, or cruising down easy groomers. 

There was one moment at Lake Louise when I was skiing with Maren and we both looked up at the same time to see a brief clearing through the clouds. Almost without realizing it, we came to a stop and just sat down mid-mountain to take it all in. How incredible this place is! Moments like these are priceless.

Not my picture, but this is more-or-less what we saw. Unfortunately, my phone was dead. The reason for this is to be found in the next paragraph.

There were also a few little "mishaps" during our trip that will be fun to look back on. For starters, the hotel we were staying at experienced an electrical outage that lasted two out of the three days we were there. I guess that because of the holiday (Family Day in Canada) they couldn't get the part they needed. The hotel was gracious and refunded the room to us, but also allowed us to stay if we wanted. We were perfectly happy with this outcome since we were just using the room to sleep, but getting ready in the morning was interesting without any lights. Also, when eating out we had to make the weird request to be seated next to an electrical outlet so we could charge our phones. Minor inconveniences often lead to funny memories, and this was definitely one of those.

Just hanging out at the hotel. It was pretty cloudy most of the time we were there, which was fine because that meant fresh snow in the hills!

Another little mishap was a more frustrating because it meant lost time on the mountain. On the second day, everyone was so good at getting an early start and we pulled up to the lifts just as they were opening. All the kids got their gear on and we went to take the skis off the rack, only to find a solid layer of ice inside the lock. We tried for a LONG time to clear it with various small objects and lubricant sprays, but nothing would work. We tried taking the entire rack, skis and all, off the top of the car to get better access. That didn't work either. I was on the verge of simply breaking the lock when Rachel decided on a much less destructive, albeit far more humbling tactic. Asking for help. The resort repair shop had a guy come out with a heat gun who opened the lock in about ten seconds. Ok then. I'm pretty sure I loosened it up for him. 

Lindsey had a personal breakthrough on this trip. She told me her goal was to ski three black diamond runs in one day. On the first day we were there she was having a hard time because her goggles kept fogging up. I let her use mine for a while and it was like giving Dumbo a feather- she was suddenly skiing with more confidence than she ever had before and she not only did those runs, but she did them with style. Go Lindsey! Evelyn also had a really good day- especially with all the fresh powder at Sunshine Village. She told me that for the first time she actually really enjoyed the steeper runs and the moguls, and even went out of her way to find them. This is big for her!

Here's me and Lindsey (and crew) eating lunch after her first successful run. Such a good day!

This year we very consciously allow the kids to be responsible for their own gear. This means that if they forget anything, they suffer the consequences. It's their problem, and not ours. For some, like Maren, the answer to this is to just be okay without any gear. She almost never wears a hat, goggles, or gloves. The real crazy thing, however, is that she also almost never gets cold! For other kids this "policy" leads to interesting improvisations. Jackson arrived only to find that he had brought two left ski boots of two different sizes. Not wanting to shell out the money for rentals, he crammed in right foot into the larger of the two and declared it "comfortable enough." We adjusted one of the ski bindings to accommodate, and that was that. Boots are overrated anyway, right? He also went an entire day with two layers of socks on his hands instead of the gloves that he had allowed to freeze solid. He didn't seem to let any of this get him down or affect his performance, but I think he'll check his bags twice next time, and maybe listen to sound advice about getting clothes wet!

This next story is one that our family keeps talking about but that I was going to leave out (you'll see why). When I asked Lindsey what she wanted me to write though, she was adamant about this one, so I guess she has a good sense of humor and is able to laugh at herself. Anyway- long story short is that Lindsey wet her pants. The kids were playing in the snow and she really had to go, and then she waited too long, and then she got stuck in the snow up to her armpits and couldn't get out and while everyone was laughing at her she started laughing too, and then her face changed suddenly, and then...well...yeah. She sat in the car with a blanket over her for a long time while we tried to dry off her snow clothes. This whole time we were also trying to figure out the ski rack fiasco so the car door had to be open and people were coming in and out and we couldn't go back to the hotel at that point so she just sucked it up and decided to have a good day anyway. I must have been away at the moment it was said, but apparently at some point she screamed/whined "BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY PANTS!" in a way that will be remembered and laughed at and impersonated for a long time in our family. Oh, the memories. She ended up skiing in slightly wet ski pants without anything underneath. She was a good sport and pronounced that her legs were never cold, only her feet!

At one point, Jackson and Lindsey went off to ski alone together. Without missing a beat, Addy turned to me and pointed out, "They won't be hard to find if they get lost- we'll just tell ski patrol to look for two kids who are skiing alone- a crying little girl with wet pants who is being taken care of by a little boy with socks on his hands and two left boots!"

Well, that comment just made me feel like the dad of the year. Fortunately, they are both very competent skiers and didn't get lost.

Actually, that sort of segues into a brief description of how these days run for us. I was perfectly comfortable with Jack and Lindsey going off on their own because I feel like we have figured some things out as a ski family. It helps that our kids are all skilled enough to get themselves safely down the mountain. But it also helps that we have developed some routines and systems, and besides our stupid lock freezing up we almost always have good days with very few hiccups.

The day usually starts with me reading a report on weather and snow conditions as people are getting ready. This helps people know how to pack. We then load the car, and if we are going to an unfamiliar location I'll read an overview of the resort to the family from the Powderhounds website. Using this information along with the current conditions, people each decide for themselves what kind of day they want to have. Sometimes there are specific goals. Sometimes people want to push themselves on the steeps. Others might just want to explore a lot of different terrain. Some might be really excited for a park or to cruise groomers, or to go off in search of powder. Traditionally, we take a warm up run all together, then split into groups based on interest. Each group gets a radio so we can stay in touch, and before breaking off we settle on a meeting time and place for lunch. An abbreviated form of this process occurs again at lunchtime, usually resulting in a reshuffling of people and of radios, but in the end it makes it so that everyone is able to get what they wanted out of the day.

To close the post, I want to go back to the last night of our trip. We were at a nice restaurant (sitting next to electrical outlets) and our food had been ordered. Conversation naturally turned to the trip, and people started telling "remember when" stories. "Remember when Addy ducked the rope so she could hit that jump!" "Remember when Lindsey fell in the shape of a cheerio!" "Remember that conversation with the people on the lift!" "Remember the crazy ice statue we saw!" "Remember sitting down in the middle of the hill as people skied around us just so we could look at the mountains!" 

Yes- I remember. Some of the memories will stay with me for longer than others. But what will definitely stick around is these days as a family. Remember when we would all ski together every weekend and how sometimes crazy things would happen, and sometimes we would bicker, and sometimes we would fall and get hurt, but how there was always someone there to help you or to laugh with you or to cry with you or to help you push through personal limits or to just enjoy the moment with you? 

Yeah. Those were good days.

Have a good week!

This has been a very full week for us! So...let's get started!

This picture represents SO MUCH HARD WORK! CDAide is a nonprofit organization that benefits hospitality workers. Rachel has been a part of it to varying degrees over the past couple years, but has recently taken on more responsibilities. This past Thursday was their biggest fund-raising event of the year, and Rachel played a crucial role in its planning and execution. There were tons of moving parts- a lot of work with individual donors- a lot of phone calls- a lot of visits- a lot of "spreadsheeting," and in the end things came together to "wildly exceed expectations." I'm not sure what that means. I do know that expectations were high though, so I'm guessing that's a good thing. They raised over 80k (and counting) in one night, and I think everyone involved is happy to have a quick minute to catch their breath before moving on to the next thing. 

Addy, Jack, Rachel, and I spent most of the day skiing at Schweitzer. The morning was spent racing down groomers, and then Jack and I went off-piste once things softened up a bit and hit most of the steeper lines. I was actually proud of Jack on this trip when he opted not to follow me down a run I had devised through some chutes with a couple "must-make" turns. He has skied harder and riskier terrain in the past, but he just wasn't feeling it that day and he backed off for an easier line. As a dad who likes pushing my own limits a little bit, this was comforting and makes me more inclined to do other hard things with him. It's good to see judgement being used, and it worked out great to congratulate each other on our own achievements once we met up at the bottom.

This is just a picture to show that I was there too and that it isn't always just me and Jack.

As soon as we got back from skiing, Rachel and I showered and then hit the town for Broadway's "Jersey Boys." I have to say, I was dazzled. I have seen plenty of jukebox musicals. They are entertaining, at best. A fun night out, but nothing that really sticks with you. This one though, really had me smiling. The acting was superb, and they absolutely nailed it with the songs. I'm not very easily impressed anymore, but this was just a level above the rest. Bravo.

This picture represents a lot of things. It is the super bowl party we had with friends. It is the hotel we stayed in afterwards. It is valentine's day, the time we spent window shopping, and the climbing gym we went to the next day. It is also the fact that all of this was so relaxing and enjoyable that this photo is all we have to show for it. But seriously, what a fabulous weekend!

This next week we have big plans as well. Assuming all goes well, the whole family will be skiing and relaxing in a Canadian lodge for a few days. The planning that is required to leave/re-enter the country with five kids is stupid right now with covid restrictions, but we think we have everything in order. I guess we'll see.

Until then- Have a good week!

We also need to do a shout-out to this girl! Maren is so fun and quirky that it was only fitting for her to ask to go to an improv comedy show the night of her birthday. She definitely adds a huge dose of personality to our family!

This last week has been more "normal" for us, which is actually kind of cool. "Living the dream" is something that applies well to this stage of our lives. We climb. We ski. We see lots of live entertainment and eat lots of good food. We have cool jobs and cool kids. Really, what more could you ask for?

As for this particular week, we did all of the above. Rachel and I did some of the hardest onsite climbing of our lives. We skied with the family on both weekends and I got a chance to pull out the "race skis" due to some good luck with conditions and the happy little accident of locking my other skis on the rack and losing the key. It was a race ski kind of day though- one of the best, actually, so it was all good. Rachel and I had two nice nights out- one to Arbor Crest Cellars with its delectable cuisine, and the other to Stage Left Theater where we saw Corpus Christi- one of the best performances I have ever seen them put on. We spent Saturday afternoon as a family taking in the art galleries in downtown Coeur d'Alene and reminding ourselves once again what a cool place we live in.

Like I said- what more could you ask for?

I also have to admit to a "this too shall pass" mentality that I have always had. I can't get around it, and it serves me well when things aren't so good. That's not now though, and as much as I want it to always stay this way, I am sure our family will go through a lot of ups and downs as time goes by. We already have. In fact, the first fifteen minutes of almost any outing has us questioning our decisions and often makes us want to turn around and head back home. Children are sometimes childish, kids will be kids, and yucky moods can't just be flipped off like a light switch. But then it gets better. It's a crazy wild ride, and we just happen to be in a particularly "up" moment right now. That's all. It's fun.

Enjoy some photos! Not all of these are from this week. A lot of them are ski photos that didn't make the cut in previous weeks at our local resort. This place is so familiar to us that it starts seeming repetitive when I mention it, but we have seriously had SO many good times here. Skiing together has become a part of our family's DNA. I have a feeling that we will all grow out of this place soon- some might argue that we already have- but the memories here will last forever. Well...at least until we get old and get dementia. But that's what the pictures are for! 

Lindzo is getting so much more fun to ski with! (She is getting a lot better at skiing)

Skiing with friends

Maren's weird ritual of laying out her ski clothes the night before we go

Some of the coolest ladies on the hill

Jackson is getting pretty good at ripping through moguls

Pizza on a day that just the three of us went up to the hill

Obviously not our family. This is the cast of Corpus Christi, which makes it on our blog because Rachel and I didn't take a picture with the playbill. I still have the playbill by the way, just in case you want to take one and put it here instead. Otherwise, this awkward picture stays in! ( I say the awkward picture stays! Just  for fun. Maybe we could edit ourselves in??? -Rach)

Look what I found- here is an actual picture of us watching Corpus Christi! (It might be a bit more believable if we were actually watching to play! -Rach)

I'll leave the last one up though, because now everyone else gets a peek behind the scenes of how the blog is written. I know people wonder about these things. To be clear, I usually write it and then Rachel edits it before it goes live. (ie Logan does the hard work, then I make it socially acceptable! -Rach)

Just hanging out downtown. What a crew- love these guys!

This last weekend we went skiing in Utah.

Though true, that last sentence was possibly the most reductive and inaccurate statement I have ever made.

Yeah- we went skiing. But it was way more than that. The skiing itself was amazing, and we each had our own victories. We also have a lot of "remember that one time..." stories that will be live on long after the feeling of wind in our hair and adrenaline in our veins has settled. Maren and I will remember the intimate hillside talk we had. Addy and Evelyn will laugh about a certain wipeout experience. Lindsey is still talking about the stories we told in the car during our drive, and Jackson will always know that he capable of overcoming his own fear. 

From chatting about school and friends on the lift, to encouraging each other to "do hard things," I feel like skiing has been a really positive thing for our family. It isn't just about sliding down a hill on a couple of sticks. Along with climbing and biking and camping and running, it is more a lifestyle thing. A way of thinking about the world. An attitude. A way of being. 

Anyway- I don't think I can say a whole lot more about that. A blog post is fine for sharing pictures and telling stories, but unless your last name is Shakespeare, Dickinson, or Poe, it is extremely difficult to communicate that level of emotion in just a few words.

And so, without further ado...here are some pictures and stories:

Before the stories, can I just make a remark about how absolutely beautiful this canyon is? Wow! We went to two different resorts (Alta and Snowbird) that are right next to each other, and skiing aside, the views were absolutely stunning. At several moments I found myself just standing in the middle of a run, oftentimes alone, and just taking in the majesty of the area. It is easy to feel small in the mountains and it lends perspective to other things in life. To borrow words of Dickinson, when in places like this, "I'm kneeling-still." (Ah, Teneriffe!)

This is kind of a funny story: Lindsey was shedding layers and wanted Rachel to carry a spare neck gaiter. Rachel told Lindsey to put it in her own pocket, to which Lindsey replied "I can't! That's where I keep my peas!" She wasn't kidding either- she actually had a pocket full of peas. We have no idea where she got these peas from, but she apparently carries them to snack on throughout the day. Go figure.

Along with skiing, our family has gotten pretty good at tailgating. Sometimes it is with tables, chairs, and camping stoves. Sometimes it is a little simpler, like here, where we are eating chips and hot dogs. Either way, these scheduled lunchtimes have been a fun way to regroup, maybe change up partners, and catch up with the latest happenings on the hill. 

This picture is only notable because of "Bananas." That is all I know. Apparently, Evelyn liked the name of the run when she saw it on the map. They set off to find it, and that simple search turned into an expedition-sized quest that led them all over the mountain and on all sorts of adventures. Bananas, it must be said, was one of the favorite runs of the day. Worth it!

These two were skiing together. Addy fell and her ski came off. Evelyn took off down the hill, chasing it with an abandon that is uncharacteristic to her more cautious style. The ski must have gotten scared, because it saw Ev and kept on going, and going, and going. More than a quarter of a mile it slid before Evelyn was able to catch up with it. Addy, meanwhile did most of the run on one ski. Suffice it to say, it was a happy reunion!

Jack and I split off for a while to do some of the steeper runs- and when I say steep- I mean STEEP! Below is a photo showing two of our runs. We also did one off the other side, and one a little further down. Icy conditions made for big drops and mandatory turns over no-fall zones. On the first run, the guy who dropped in right before us actually missed one of these turns, went off the edge, and slid down the mountain a couple hundred feet. He ended up being carried home in a stretcher and won't ski again until next year. Watching that accident made us hesitate a little bit, but we were both confident so we went for it. And we both agree that these were some of the best and most memorable runs of our lives. 

This trip wasn't just about skiing. We also got some time with extended family, and we all enjoyed the comedy show we went to on Saturday night. Here is Maren and Adrian with their fabulous hats.

Alright- that's about it. Have a good week!

This is a good place to mention that on these ski days, ALL of us opened and closed the lifts. About 20 minutes were spent on a lunch break, but the only other breaks were on the lifts ready to carve our next run. After Adalie plopped in the snow we asked if she wanted a break. She held up a hand and responded, "Give me 30 seconds and I will be ready to go!" I can honestly say that every one of us loves this amazing sport, and we will be creating memories together for many years to come.