There are two lines from the musical The Newsies that come to mind this week. Both are spoken by the character of Joseph Pulitzer, a newspaper tycoon, and both seem relevant to the project that The Hazard Chronicles has become.

The quotes:

"If it wasn't written in the newspapers, it didn't happen"

"Now when I created the world..."

Among other things, the show is about the power of the press- not just to report or record reality, but to actually determine what it is. In the future, history will not be remembered as it actually was; rather, it will become what was recorded- a series of events given meaning by those in power. In doing this, events can be colored sometimes beyond recognition to those who actually experienced them. They can be whatever one wants them to be. And it can take an astute historian to actually sort things out in the end- if that is even possible.

This is the same with the Hazard  Chronicles.

For example, I could record here the wonderful camping trip we had with our kids this last weekend. About how we all sang songs together in the car the whole time. Nobody ever complained, or fought, or whined or anything. Just pure, unadulterated fun. My kids often looked at me with adoration in their eyes and said things like "Gee dad, we sure are having a swell time out here in nature!" And when bedtime came along, they stretched out their little arms, rubbed their little eyes, and then fell right to sleep with wistful smiles on their faces. It couldn't have been any better. 

And that is how it was. 

Really. 

Because that's how I say it was. And if it wasn't for the preamble of this post to tip the reader off, they would have no choice but to believe me. 

Isn't that power amazing? I can create memories of events that didn't even happen.

But that would be wrong.

So let me tell the real story of our weekend.

*****

We actually started off by having a genuinely pleasant time at a little put-put mini-golf course. Not much to tell about here- just good, wholesome family recreation. I promise.

From there though, things started getting a little bit rocky. They shouldn't have. We had a really good plan. But kids sometimes don't appreciate what they have, and this is really frustrating.

We started our trip by driving up to Kootenai falls- a neat little waterfall in Western Montana that also happens to be around the half-way point for the race that Rachel is training for. It's about a two hour drive, and at least half of that time was spent dealing with kids who couldn't figure out how to keep their hands and feet to themselves.

When we got there, we started hiking to the waterfall. Lindsey and Maren were pretty enthusiastic. The others weren't. It was "boring." Why do we always make them go on hikes anyway?

Tears. Whining. Complaining. "Can't we just go hooooome?" "There's nothing to dooooo."

"Fine. Stay here by yourselves."

We started walking. Soon, we were met with screams. "You would just leave us in the middle of the forest?!!!"

"Yep"

"Seriously?! But we could get lost! A bear might eat us!"

"Yep. Your choice, not mine."

"Uuuughhh. Fine we're coming."

As it turns out, everyone had fun. In fact, it was hard to get them to turn around when it was time to go back to the car.

The swinging bridge of doom

After seeing the falls, we drove to the cabin we had rented for the night.

More complaining. "We just want to go home. There isn't anything to do here!"

Let me just say- it is difficult as a parent when you go out of your way to try and make fun plans and then everyone just complains about them. It was really frustrating. I sincerely hope that someday my kids read this when they are dealing with the same thing from the other end of things."

"Nothing to do?! Let's go and explore."

And we did. And guess what? Everyone had fun.

When we got back to the cabin we made dinner, then sat around the fire and roasted marshmallows. Jackson was very proud to have made the fire by himself with only one match (and no lighter fluid).

But then it was time for bed. Rach and I had plans to sit out on the front porch and talk into the night.

Yeah right.

We battled kids trying to get them to stay in bed until we were too tired ourselves and we just went to sleep.

The next morning we got up and ate breakfast and then packed the car. A few hours later we were home.

And kids...

You're welcome.

Uggh. Sometimes I wonder why we try.

*****

Here's a few other pictures from the week, in no particular order. Honestly, we live a pretty idealized life in a beautiful corner of the world, even if kids get cranky at times. I really can't complain.

The kids decorated themselves with paint. The beach is more fun than the bathtub. So...yeah. That what this was.

Rach and I went to see Bye Bye Birdie at the Lake City Playhouse. I'm pretty sure that when I was very young this was the first theatrical performance I ever saw. I guess it sparked something though, because I still had a great time watching this classic play. Oh, and this picture was taken the day after when we found the playbill in the car on our way to Montana.

Lindsey (far left) went to the fire station with her class. I think she was terrified of the hats though. She wouldn't let it anywhere near her.

We went fishing for family night. It was a little cold for swimming, but we caught eleven of these little guys in about twenty minutes.

Have a good week!

May is definitely Rachel's month. We have our anniversary, Mother's day, and her birthday, all within three weeks of each other. This pretty much makes the first part of the month into an ongoing celebration of her marvelous self.

One thing I really like about Rach is that she is interesting. I mean that in the best possible way. Last weekend we went out to a nice dinner party at the Coeur d'Alene resort with a small group of other doctors/spouses. While there, I was so proud to be able to introduce Rachel to my colleagues- "This is my lovely wife, Rachel. She is an accomplished sign language interpreter, a great partner in raising our five kids, and is training to take first place in a 150 mile bike race in a few weeks." On top of that, her interests range from outdoor recreation (boating, skiing, hiking, and climbing) to the humanities (theater, literature, art, and philosophy), with  a good measure of everything else thrown in between. One thing is for certain- life with Rachel is never dull.

I love that.

Happy birthday/Mother's day/Anniversary!

*****

I really haven't been that great about taking pictures this last week. The biggest failure in this department is our climbing trip with Daniel and his kids. We brought our kids as well and we got several good routes in before we had to head home for a BBQ we were hosting. Dan is currently working with other climbers, businesses, and investors to start a new climbing gym in our area. If anyone is interested, let me know and I'll pass the word along.

*****

Blessing of the bikes. This is a bike ride that our church does every spring as a sort of celebration of good weather. And of bikes. And of friends. It was a lovely ride by the lake with root-beer-floats waiting at the end. Fun way to spend an afternoon.

Rocking the 3D glasses from the movie theater.

Um...does she have three cups of ice cream?
Yup.
We are good parents.

*****

Just a couple of reminders that summer vacation is coming up...

Heaven help us.

"Can I jump the fence and get my arrow out of our neighbors garden?" -Jackson

"Look- I cut off all my curlies!" -Lindsey

Symphony in the park? "I'm bored" -Every kid ever

*****

Have a good week!

Last year we did a thing. This year, that thing became a tradition.

The Hazard Holiday.

See, we like our family. We like doing stuff together. And as much as we like work and school and friends and church and everything else, we also like blowing it all off for a weekend just to be...us. To celebrate the ties that we have together and hang out with no distractions.

This year we went to Seattle. We have been meaning to go and explore this city for a while, and our homespun leave-of-absence offered the perfect excuse.

To tell about it, I have enlisted the help of the kids. I asked each of them what their favorite part of the weekend was. Conveniently, we only had one repeat answer (Evelyn said being independent at Wild Waves was her favorite). This made it so that we could allow each kid to write about the thing they most liked. Except for Ev since it was a repeat. She was a good sport though, and wrote about something else. I'll try to insert parentheticals where clarification might be needed. It was a great weekend. Anyway, ...here goes.

Adalie: Wild Waves Theme Park

We finished our drive in the parking lot of Wild Waves. We went inside and met a new family. They had a lot of kids and the ones I remember are Dawson, Dean, Bentley, Blair, and Ty. I did a lot of fun rides. My first ride was the Pirate Ship. It rocked back and forth and I got a big tummy tickle whenever the ship came down. The next ride was the scrambler. Mom and Dad did not come on the Scrambler and I don’t know why (um...because it's called the Scrambler). I sat down on the seat and it double spun. I put my hands up. Dawson and I became friends on The Gambler (A different spinning ride) and we stayed together for most of the day.  The day was full of new rides and surprises.  Mom and Dad let the older kids wander around by ourselves with Mom’s cell phone, and me and Dawson were the only ones who did the Faced the Falls (log ride) ride. We got SOAKED!  Jackson and Lindsey loved getting splashed on the bridge!  We also got hot dogs and fries for lunch.  I hope Dawson, Dean and their family can come and visit us soon.

Us with the Walker Family at Wild Waves. We haven't seen them since we lived in Cleveland- it's been too long! It was so much fun to get reacquainted with them and their awesome kids.

Jackson: Hotels and Airbnb

We got to the airbnb and found a pond! The water was disgusting! It was almost mom and dad’s anniversary and there was a little dock. We tried to clean it off and make it romantic for their anniversary. That didn’t work because there was a lot of grass on the dock and the bench. We did not have the right kind of broom to sweep it off.  There were a lot of chickens, but the rooster did not wake us up even though they made a lot of noise. There was also a swing.  Dad took us out to play mission dot dot and I won! Also, I liked playing hide and seek because me and Adalie made dad say “I give up!” That has never happened before, ever. At the end of hide and seek we sat on the bench and high fived each other saying, “good job!”   I am excited for the next Hazard Holiday and I wish I could go and live in that house forever!

It really was a lovely house we stayed in. We had the whole place to ourselves and the owners had gone out of their way to make sure it was comfortable for our whole big family. And for the record, I think the moss in the pond added to the romantic flavor of the place.

Evelyn: Seattle, the city

Park: We went to a park (artist park in the city center) and it was amazing. There was a tube and ropes to get up. Two slides to get down, and rope bridges to get around. Also, we went to this big fountain. There were statures of dolphins and after sliding down one I tripped and got myself a bloody toe with a purple toenail!

Buildings: In Seattle there are HUGE buildings. They also have the space needle and TWO sports stadiums!

Pikes Place Market: We are in the bustling market. It is busy. There are jewelry stands, fish, and other goods too. We stop at a bakery and pick up some delicious snacks. Also there is a statue girl who wasn't a statue but looks like a statue but then twirls around or opens here eyes. They were blue and white.

Birds: Down at Pikes Place Market the birds were used to people so they got really close to you. I got to feed them some bread.

The Gum Wall.

Picnic lunch at the market

Maren: Tidepools

I liked how I was the first one to find the crabbies!  When I was walking I reached into the little pool place and a crab pinched me! That is how I was the first one to discover the crabbies! I loved turning over the rocks and finding the crabs living underneath. On one rock that I turned over when I was about to leave there were tons of gingantic crabs and they went running sideways all around. I liked walking around and putting the crabbies in the little sea place that I made out of a water bottle. Then, I lost it! Adalie and dad went walking to the pier and they found a sea cucumber. It was exciting! I loved going, but then we had to leave in the hot car.

Lindsey: Zoo

We went to the zoo and saw a real lion and a real tiger. So, Dad and Evelyn and Adalie were going to hold birds in the aviary. We saw a bird show and a bird landed on Mom’s arm and there was a piggy that played catch.  I wanted to sit on the top of the seat because the top is really nice and I could sit by Adalie and Evelyn for the bird show.  In the zoo we saw a little cute otter swimming, we saw a cool water snake and it was yellow and white. We saw two snakes.  We also saw ostriches and we walked a lot! I had a really fun time.  I loved the zoo!

I think this is the only picture of the trip that we got with our whole family in it.

Have a good week!

Rachel and I wear a lot of hats. Between family, careers, social groups, hobbies, and personal time, we are constantly monitoring the balance of our lives and making room for things. It can be exhausting at times, but I think we do a pretty good job. Actually, I usually think we do a really good job (if I may say so myself), and being able to move back and forth comfortably between these different spheres is something I take a little bit of pride in.

However…

Lest I become too comfortable, I was given an embarrassing reminder the other day that, as versatile as I may think I am, there are still some situations in which I am entirely, hopelessly, inept. And as much as it pains me to say it, one of these areas is in the realm of auto mechanics.

*****

So, I was driving the all-too-familiar route to Jack-in-the-Box when my check engine light goes on. I didn’t think too much of it at first, because, you know, the car’s immune system might just make it go away on its own, right? Well, believe it or not, that didn’t work. Two days later the light was still taunting me every time I got behind the wheel.

But how bad could this really be? Engine lights are sometimes finicky, and it wasn’t worth getting all up in a panic over nothing. So I drove to Auto Zone after work one day and asked if they could plug their “engine code reader” (that’s the official, technical term) into my car and tell me what was going on. They did, and then we walked back into the store to see the results. This is where the embarrassment starts.

“Well, it looks like your turbo encabulator has some sensor issues. All you need is a new flux capacitor and you’ll be good to go. Luckily, the part is only $28.”

Um…What? On the computer screen I was staring at a part that resembled a cross between a spark plug and a fancy laser pointer. Finally, not knowing what else to say, I managed to grunt, stupidly, “Oh.”

I was going for an inflection that gave off confidence. You know, the “Oh…of course! Silly me- I should have thought of that!” kind of impression. I’m afraid I didn’t pull it off. Rather, I’m sure that what the guy heard was a much more accurate “Oh…I’m standing here in a sport coat and tie and I still think that cars work by magic because that’s the only thing that actually makes sense.”

We stood there for several more seconds of awkward silence until it dawned on me that I was actually at an auto parts store. Most customers at this point would consider themselves lucky to be able to fix their own car for less than thirty bucks and would inquire about getting the part. I, on the other hand, was at a complete loss.

“Is it hard?” I asked.

He just looked at me quizzically. Or was that disdain? I couldn’t tell.

I tried again. “Um. The repair, I mean. Is it difficult?”

His look told me all I needed to know. This was the type of repair that girl scouts do to earn pins or badges or whatever. “Nope. Not difficult at all. Just one screw on the hyperdrive, remove the gravity compensator, and then attach your part. Reassemble everything and close ‘er up. Easy peasy. Take ya’ 15 minutes.”

“Riiight. You know, I’m getting an oil change pretty soon and, you know, since it’s so easy and everything, I think I’ll just, uh, let them take care of it then. Thanks for all of your help.”

“You sure? They’re gonna charge you at least a hundred.” He was shaking his head now with the same look one might give a puppy who had just puddled on the carpet.

 “Uh, yeah. Really, it’s no big deal.” Just put me out of my misery and let me go.

“Suit yourself man.”

As I walked out of the store, I heard the sound of a giant rubber stamp slamming down onto my man card. REVOKED.

Whatever.

I walked back to my car and thought about my experience all the way home. I felt ashamed, even though I couldn’t say why. After all, the idea that guys and cars automatically go together is far too passé for me to get worked up over- right?

The funny thing? As I pulled into the garage, I noticed that the engine light was gone. That’s weird. It's been several days now and it hasn’t come on again since then. 

Stupid car.

Maybe the immune system finally kicked in after all. What did that guy know anyway?

*****

As far as our week goes, things were pretty standard for us. I went climbing a couple of times. The family went swimming. Rachel put about 500 miles on her bike. Evelyn had a sleepover in the backyard with her friends.

Unfortunately, we don't have any pictures of any of these things.

The one we do have is our weekly date night.

I feel like we are Broadway junkies. Dirty Dancing did not disappoint. Say what you will about social stereotypes and revoked man-cards, but I really like musical theater. It was a fun evening.

*****

Have a good week!