“I Liked Not
Knowing”
This year, Christmas
lost a little bit of its magic for Evelyn. It started with Widget, our elf on
the shelf. Now, I realize that lots of people use these elves for lots of
things, but in our home Widget is little more than a fun game of hide-and-seek
that the kids get to play every morning. Still, it’s a fun tradition. Well, one
day Evelyn asked to speak with Rachel privately in her room, and pretty much
said “I’m not buying it any more” when it came to Widget. This was okay, and we
simply brought Evelyn in on the secret by making her the official “Widget
Hider.” She did a fantastic job.
But then, on
Christmas Eve, Evelyn started asking other questions. “I know that St. Nicholas
is a legend, and that legends are partly true and partly not. So, how does
Santa actually work? I’m asking because I don’t believe in flying reindeer or
elves in the North Pole any more, but somehow we still get presents each year in our
stockings, so Santa must be real in some way” Another one (I can’t remember if she asked this or if was in a book
she read) was the question “Why does Santa give good toys to rich kids even
when they’re bad, and cheap toys to poor kids, even when they’re good?”
As a parent,
I have mixed feelings about these questions. First of all, I am proud beyond
belief at the level of critical thinking involved in their formulation. These aren’t
your standard “how does a fat man get down the chimney” questions, and cop-outs
like “magic” don’t do justice to the amount of thought she had put into it. I
wasn’t about to do that to her. At the same time, it was sad to see a fun and
comforting childhood belief being lost. After talking with Rachel, I took Evelyn
aside and we did some research together about the actual history of St.
Nicholas. Then we looked at different Santa traditions around the world. As we
did this, I sadly watched as she started putting things together. Finally, she drew her own
conclusion: Since St. Nick died a long time ago, and since all Santas seem
to be different depending on time and place, the simplest explanation is that Santa Claus is actually a fictional character played by
none other than the kids' parents. She came up with it on her own… and I reluctantly
confirmed her theory.
But what
then? That was the hardest part, because she looked at me very seriously and
then made two statements that caused me to stagger a little bit. The first was
said with suppressed tears- “I liked not knowing.” And the second, almost with
anger- “Now, all that’s left of Santa is a story that parents use to get their
kids to be good.” Woah. As far as I know, Rachel and I have always downplayed
the “you better watch out” aspect of Santa (it seems like a cheap trick to us),
but I guess cultural influences were not enough to override our careful
parenting.
To the first
statement, “I liked not knowing,” I had no response other than to give her a
big hug and tell her that I also missed not-knowing things sometimes. Childhood
traditions can be fun and comforting and in a way, magical. It’s hard sometimes
to see things for how they actually are, and I think this is the reason that
many kids keep believing in Santa despite the nagging problems that keep
getting pushed to the back of their minds. This is especially easy sometimes
when they are surrounded by adults and media which keep coming up with answers
that “work” for them…at least for a while. But yeah, I can see how letting go
of all that can be hard. I’ve been there. But I'm also glad in a way, because this is a very benign way for her to experience this sort of disappointment for the first time that will probably occur repeatedly throughout her life regarding different things.
The second
statement was the one that made me even sadder though, because to me, I see the
story of Santa as a wonderful representation of some very worthwhile ideas. I
guess Evelyn’s cynicism is somewhat natural, and is probably even fueled in
part by the veil of secrecy and forced literalness that parents put over the whole
narrative. But underneath all that is a fabulous story about altruism,
generosity, empathy, and the power of the imagination. The story is also a
tradition that binds children and families together around the world. For me,
the complex meanings of the Santa story go far beyond elves and reindeer, and
it was hard to watch Evelyn’s knee-jerk response of simply dismissing all of
this out of hand. And so we talked. We talked about how a lot of stories have great value
even if they aren’t necessarily true. We talked about how maybe the best way of
addressing the ideas represented in the story are through literary devices like
myths or symbols (no, I didn’t use the term “literary device.”). We talked for
a long time, and in the end Evelyn came out saying she would think about it
some more. I was content to leave it at that.
But the
story isn’t over yet. Because a few days later, as the kids were sitting at the
table and talking, someone mentioned Santa Claus. I could tell Evelyn was
thinking hard about whether or not she should join the conversation. And then
she looked at Addy, and with a total sincerity that I don’t think she could
fake, she said- “I believe in Santa.”
And then she
looked at me, and smiled. And I smiled back, because I took her at her word. I
think she does, in the same way that I do, maintain some belief in the idea of
Santa. And I hope that this more mature kind of belief develops into its own
kind of magic for her, as it has for me. I think it will. Some people call this
kind of belief “faith,” and I would probably agree with that. Either way, it is
something that I think is an important part of every Christmas season, and
something that will enrich her life for years to come.
Invent Idaho
Ok- this is a short one, and something I will probably revisit. I need to mention it though because right now we are in the thick of it. "Invent Idaho" is a project that is ostensibly for the children in Evelyn's second grade class. The reality of it though, is that the scope and depth that the teacher is attacking this project is far, FAR beyond what a second grader can do on their own. In short, their performance on the project is almost totally dependent on the amount of time, effort, and money that parents are willing to put into in. It's homework for Mom and Dad. Nothing more.
Could it be that Evelyn is just slower than the other kids in her class? I don't think so- her report card says she is "exemplary" and "demonstrates an advanced understanding of concepts, skills and processes, exceeding all expectations" in every area except for handwriting. Also, the most recent email we received from her teacher was a link for a place that does 3D printing and custom machinery of parts for us to use when making the required working prototypes of the kid's inventions...I'm pretty sure the kids didn't get that email. Are these sorts of expectations really reasonable for an average 7-year-old? I don't think so.
The thing is that Evelyn will do well on this, mostly because her parents care enough and have the resources to help her (no 3D printing though...there has to be limits somewhere). I have to acknowledge that not all kids have these advantages though, and it doesn't seem fair to me that so much time and such a large portion of a student's evaluation (and quieter self-evaluations)- especially in 2nd grade- stem from things that are mostly beyond their control. I mean yeah- it's a good way to set kids up for success. But it's also a good way to set them up for failure. Is it worth it at this age? I'm not so sure. Save that for the future.
Media
In the same way that "we are what we eat," I think there is some truth to the idea that "We are the media we consume," including books, news, music, podcasts, movies, classes, etc. I think it would be interesting to see what other people are looking at. I also contemplated putting a 2015 list up of what I had read, watched, or listened to. In the end, I decided this would probably come off as either self-serving or irrelevant, so I decided not to. If you are interested though, then let me know. I also want to put out a call for recommendations. I really like things that challenge the way I think about things, or that force me to develop insight that I might not have had before. To that end, I'll say that in general I tend to be moderately liberal in politics and religion, I really like science, and I think that human nature (individuals or groups) is one of the most fascinating subjects on the planet. I also like sitting down with a good, entertaining novel or movie, but have a hard time getting into most hard-core sci-fi, fantasy, or super hero stuff. Right now, my individual interests are in the humanities and in ancient civilizations.
So there you go...recommend something and I will probably read it, listen to it, or watch it. Thanks.
A Statement by Jack
This was funny. It will be funnier if you have seen the movie "Inside Out."
Jack: "Evelyn does not have friendship island. She only has meanie pants island."
Sometimes there is truth to that, by the way. Let's just say that the volume and frustration level in our home is very dependent right now on Evelyn's mood. Most of the time this is a positive thing. Sometimes it's not.
Gingerbread Houses
The winners: Team B! Great job guys! I think we need to have ornaments like this for all the winners to put on their trees during Christmas. They can give them up next year to the new winners.
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| Team B- The Winners |
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| Team A- we made a good effort |
School Pictures- 2015!
I love to hear how Evelyn thinks. I thought "meanie pants island" was quite funny. Everyone is so grown up.
ReplyDeleteI love to hear how Evelyn thinks. I thought "meanie pants island" was quite funny. Everyone is so grown up.
ReplyDelete