Winter turning to spring

I have written this post over and over again trying to figure out how to put into words what I want to say. At its surface, it's a pretty straightforward post about my career- some of the opportunities I have had lately and how much I love what I do.

But it goes so much deeper than that...

Almost exactly one year ago I was faced with the perfect storm of events in my life that sent me into a pretty deep spiral of depression. That's hard for me to say- I feel almost ashamed to admit it even though I shouldn't. It's true though. Through the culmination of many different threads of my life, I found myself in September 2014 staring into an empty future with no prospects, forced to admit to myself that I had been a failure, trying unsuccessfully to deal with the fact that I had let down virtually everyone around me, at a time when I felt like strength or support I usually drew from God or from family had virtually evaporated. It was pretty bad, and I  could seriously understand the strong desire people have to just unplug from the entire world and go numb.

But how do you write about that? You don't. Right off the bat, you have the problem of sharing too much personal information which makes people uncomfortable. Added onto this is the fact that many people will probably look at the situation, and instead of trying to understand will only find ways to cast the blame back onto a person for being depressed in the first place. This makes it virtually impossible sometimes to talk about difficult things. Like I said, I have written and re-written this post a dozen times and I finally concluded that it just can't be done. I'm sorry.

I do want to make one point though before moving on to the good part. Depression is a real thing, and for the person experiencing it, the world can seem very dark and hopeless. What I hope to show through the rest of this post is that things can get better. The future is always uncertain, and this reality comes as good news to anyone who finds themselves at a low point. So hang in there- I don't know how or why or when, but I do not believe that any emotional state can last forever- it is inevitable that things will get better eventually.

For me, this improvement happened over the course of almost exactly one year- specifically though, in the last six months or so. In that time I have seen dramatic increases both in my physical and in my emotional health, and today I enjoy a security and optimism about the future that has been missing for the last couple of years. Things are really good- and over the last few weeks they have gotten even better.

Let's circle back around now  to the beginning of the post- the part where I talk about how much I love my job. The last two weeks have been a whirlwind of activity on this front, and I have not had the time to write about things as they have happened.

Let's start on Monday the 21st: We had a big team training on this day with everyone from all the offices. There was a lot of team-building and a lot of talk about how we can improve the dental experience for our patients. It was a fun and productive day. That night, all the doctors (4 of us) went to dinner at the Coeur d'Alene resort where we ate good food, talked more about the future direction of the practice, and considered finances and opportunities for buying in as owners.

Tuesday, Sept 22: At the end of the day I was approached by Dr. Loftus and asked if I wanted to become the head doctor at the Post Falls branch of the practice. Would I ever! I immediately accepted the position, and then asked how inappropriate it would be for me to do a happy dance :). This is a huge opportunity that makes it so that everything else can fall into place. I am super excited to be working with the team in Post Falls which is amazing at what they do and fun to work with besides. The office itself is thriving, but still has a lot of room for continued growth, and the financial aspect of this chance has put Rachel and me almost a decade ahead of where we expected to be at this point. The location of the office is just minutes from my house, and many of my patients are people who began with me years ago when I was working at Heartwood. Professionally, there are almost limitless opportunities for growth from this point, and I can honestly predict that I will be working in this office for many, many years. Like I said before, the future is always uncertain, but I see nothing right now that would prevent me from spending my entire career with Loftus. Admittedly, the business that is not without its faults, but I am extremely proud to be a part of it and look forward to contributing to its growth.

Saturday, Sept  26: Free dental day. Those who know me well know that I love science and could easily have gone into a career in either academia or research (or both). One of the big reasons I chose dentistry instead of this is that I wanted to be involved more directly with the application of this science when it comes to helping actual people. I wanted to be able to meet the individuals who I was helping and form relationships with them and make a difference to them on a personal level. Now, there are a lot of other reasons besides this that dentistry was a good fit for me, but this was a big one. Because of this, I love being able to work in a place that has the size and resources to be able to do significant community outreach. I was involved to a certain extent with the planning of this year's event, and it was fun to see things come together. What was even better though, was being able to provide services to people who ordinarily would not be able to afford even the basic level of care that we were offering. Without getting too political, I will say that I think America has made huge strides in recent years when it comes to health care, but continues to lag far behind when it comes to dentistry. This much seems to be indisputable. And while I realize that answers to these shortcomings will eventually play out more out in congressional committees than they will in private offices, it still feels good to at least be able to play the small part I am able to in helping the situation.

Last week: My first full week as the Post Falls doctor went great. The individual team members seem to all be reading from the same page, which makes for a seamless flow of patient care, and I think people are noticing in a good way. The culture of the office is fun and warm, and we even came in #2 on the leaderboard for our efforts on Thursday (a friendly competition between about a hundred different doctors/offices).

Friday/Saturday: Study club. Dentistry is cool. You will find many dentists who agree with this statement, although each one probably has his or her area that they like to focus on more than others. For some, it is the cosmetic cases. For others, it is orthodontics, or root canals, or dentures. For me, it is surgery. Explaining why would be like trying to explain why I like a certain painting or piece of music- it just seems to hit that sweet spot. I love the idea of a perfect marriage between good solid biological theory with sharply hewn hand-skills like precision or dexterity. Surgery requires both, and is where I find myself getting the most fulfillment with the technical aspect of my career. Because of this, I love, love, love going to study club (Inland Northwest Periodontal Study Club). Two days worth of presentations, demonstrations, and hands-on instruction in the area I am most drawn to make me a very happy dentist! Yesterday I got to do a new surgery that I have been wanting to learn for a long time- a certain type of gum graft- and it went beautifully. After a few more days like yesterday I can see me offering these to my patients fairly regularly.

In a nutshell- work is going really, really well right now. 

Other things are too. Check out these pictures of the week:

Evelyn had a big cross country race. She did considerably better this year than last, and was even excited about running. I think the refreshments were still her favorite part though.

Addy and Jack got a little practice in as well

I had to put this up that Jack and I made for family dessert night- cinnamon roll cake. It may be my new favorite dessert.

Our happy Lindsey at the park

This is at a big family BBQ thing with Rachel's "Moms that Rock" group. This is a good bunch of ladies and Rach has made some good friends.

If you can't tell, I am holding the playbill for Catch Me If You Can- the fun musical that Rach and I went and saw on our date night last week. We had a great time.