Well, I'm at work right now and I have about 20 minutes before my next patient comes in so I'm going to try to hurry and get this out. Otherwise, I don't think it will get done this week.

To start with, work is going really well. Financially, this will end up being the best month of the year (so far) for the office, and probably the best month of my life as far as personal income. That's exciting, but I hope that it doesn't raise too many expectations about me- the reasons I think we are doing well have very little to do with anything I am responsible for. What I am more proud of is the fact that we have an outstanding patient reschedule rate. That statistic means that we are awesome.

What's better is that things have settled down a little bit. I have Monday afternoons off again, so my work week isn't quite as full. It will probably stay this way until early next year, when I hope to cut down again to 4 days. We'll see what happens. Things are fairly sustainable now though, which is good.

Last week was a really good week with the kids except for a minor episode yesterday involving paint and the carpet...and the curtains...and the walls...and doors...and furniture. Other than that though, we had a lot of fun. Over the weekend we built a space ship and sat in it while watching Halloween movies. I saw "It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" for the first time, which is sort of pathetic on my part, given the cultural influence the movie has had. Let me just say that Schulz and Melendez were brilliant cartoonists and I should have watched it sooner.

Speaking of great pumpkins- we carved Jack-o-lanterns this week for family night. At least the kids did. Rachel and I both want to do something a little fancier this year, but neither of us have settled on any ideas yet. Suggestions are welcome :)

The rest of the week can probably just be told in pictures. Also, I need to go. Have a great week!

Evelyn had an interesting idea- she cut out the teeth individually and skinned them and then stuck them back in with toothpicks. While this was done she joked that the pumpkin was getting implants. I guess she has a pretty good idea of what I do at work! Very creative.

Addy was trying to get the award for the happiest pumpkin

Maren was going for the cutest

According to Jack, he was going for the most artistic. And yes, he is familiar with Picasso.

Rachel spends time helping out in each of the kids' classrooms. This is on Maren's field-trip to the pumpkin patch.

Coincidentally, this is also on Maren's field-trip. It just that Jackson's class happened to be there also. Cool!

Rachel dyed her hair for the first time- blondish on the bottom fading into her natural color on top (in has a fancy name, but I'm not going to try to remember it). I think it is beautiful :)

This was a hike I took the kids on while Rach was working. They have known the story of Fred and Seltice (Frederick Post and Chief Seltice) for a long time, but had not seen the rock before where they supposedly signed a contract for the land that became our town. Despite the lack of historical precision, this is still a neat site to see, and a beautiful hike besides.

I wish I could make this easier to see. This is a collage of different decorations that Evelyn has designed and hung up in her room. The top says "The Joy Of Reading". The ones in the middle say "Read On!," "Write All Your Life," and "Learn!" The bottom has papers folded like books that spell out "READ." Can you tell what Evelyn's hobbies are? She reads almost a hundred pages every night. When I ask her questions, it shows that she totally understands what she is reading. I think it's pretty awesome. She is a child after my own heart :)

The weekly elephant.

The year was 1819. The days had just started to get shorter, and the air was starting to develop a cool crispness to it. On this particular evening late in September, the English poet John Keats decided to take himself for a walk near the town of Winchester. As he strolled down the countryside, he must have been thinking about a lot of things. He certainly noticed the fields ready for harvest, and probably pondered the delicate balance between the resplendent beauty of the season with the melancholy sense of finality that often accompanies it. He watched the animals preparing for the onset of winter, and perhaps considered the metaphors that could be drawn between the seasons with a life well-lived. He might have had other thoughts too- after all, who really knows what goes on in the mind of such a brilliant man? Either way, when he got back home, he sat down with a pen and began to write. 

Two years later the man was gone, but his work remained. The poem he wrote after his walk marked the end of his career. It is also considered by most critics to be one of the most perfect poems in the English language. "To Autumn" is a work filled with imagery and symbols- the work of a master wordsmith that few will be able to emulate. 

The subject of the poem though- Autumn- I think has inspired poetic thoughts from all who have taken the time to contemplate this magnificent splendor of the season. What is it about this time of year? Why do I find myself turning inward, evaluating myself on deeper levels than at other times? How is it possible to feel so overwhelmed by the excitement and joy of a season, while at the same time already mourning its loss? The season is so incredibly rich and complex and meaningful, and as I reiterate each year it comes around- I absolutely love it.

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This week has seen a lot of activity from our family. 

Thursday nights I play at a local racquetball league, where I mostly hold my own during the games but rarely end up winning. It's fun though, and I enjoy the company of the people I play with. On Friday evening Rachel and I went to a party/gathering of friends and enjoyed good food and conversation at their beautiful home while watching the sun set behind the river. Saturday afternoon I ran in a local 5k and ended up taking 4th place overall- not bad, even though I failed to hit my goal time by about 30 seconds. After the race I met up with Rachel and we went furniture shopping. Finding nothing, we decided to finish the night at one of our favorite restaurants, where we enjoyed the food while getting into a friendly debate about national politics. On Sunday we went to church where I have started helping with the music, and then went home and had a wonderful afternoon with a family walk and dessert night.

Also, this week we fulfilled our annual tradition of apple picking and baking! We did this for the first time the year we moved to Cleveland, and since then it has become a defining moment of Fall along with Halloween and Thanksgiving. As our family grows older it becomes funner as well, as the kids get into the action a lot more and have a fun time planning out what recipes we will make.

Can I also just say that I love going up to the orchard? It is like a giant harvest party, with music and games and autumn smells like caramel corn and apple cider and carnival rides and animals and everything a person could ever want from Autumn time all in one place. So much fun. Here are some pictures:

 

This is a "sandbox" of dried peas. It was sort of weird. As you can see, the kids are burying Rachel.

Our first creation: Apple Pie (Jack helped too, but didn't want to be in the picture). Today I am making Apple Fritters with everyone in about an hour when they get home from school.

I had to put this picture up as well. What you see here is a very happy man with his new Taylor Guitar. It is gorgeous and sounds amazing! For those who don't know, Taylor is like the Mercedes Benz of the guitar world. I have waited a long time to justify this one!

Things have been really, really busy lately. Too busy, in fact. I guess that's a very first-world problem to have, but I don't like it. Over the past year we have worked hard to achieve a sort of equilibrium between the different facets of our lives, and recently a few things have happened to upset that precarious balance. As a consequence, Fall is here, my favorite time of the year, and I feel like I have not yet had time to appreciate it.

Don't get me wrong- the changes are all positive ones, and most of the disruption is temporary. My new position at work has me doing 5 days a week instead of 4, and 3 of the the past 4 weekends have been consumed by large one-time events leaving either Rachel or I alone most of the time with the kids. These things have taken precious hours, or even days out of our schedules, and yet we continue to fit all the stuff we normally do into the condensed time in between.

I feel like I do when I'm running sometimes. Fatigued, but not yet wasted. I have the energy to move on, but sitting down and resting sounds like it would be really nice. Instead of stopping though, I find a point about a half mile away and promise myself that I will give everything I have until I reach that destination. When I get there, as long as I am not dead yet, I do it again, and again, and again. I can push myself for miles in this way. It sounds horrible, I know. But when I finally do get home then I feel a much greater sense of accomplishment about what I had just finished. Looking back, the run was better for having gone on without resting, and my body is stronger as a result.

Certain parts of this analogy break down, but I think it mostly works. We are mostly living week-to-week right now, just trying to tie all the loose strings together. So far we have managed. It's not fun, but the end is in sight. Starting next week I go back down to four and a half days. Neither Rachel nor I have any major trips or events for awhile, and we still have several weeks to enjoy the beautiful Fall weather before it starts getting cold. We are on the home stretch. Just keep running.

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As for this week, the big event was Rachel's four-day trip to Seattle for a work conference. I think she had a good time learning and hanging out with other interpreters. She has decided to pursue certification in legal interpreting, which is a credential that very few interpreters are able to claim. It'll take a while, but I am sure she'll do it. As always, I am proud of her.

In the meantime, the kids and I stayed home and had a "Papa weekend." Most of the stuff we did was pretty routine- we went to different parks, we went to church, we explored some trails, and we played games at home. One thing that stood out was our trip downtown (Spokane) for a dinosaur party. The kids loved this and got to make lots of arts and crafts. They also each got their own container filled with real fossils (mostly shells and stuff). It was fun and very cool.

During the week, Evelyn had her last cross-country race of the season. True to form, she ran in jeans and a large sweatshirt, and kept her hands in her pockets the whole time. It was raining and she said she was cold. Obviously she does not have a real competitive streak in her, and she didn't even come close to winning. She had fun though, and I guess that is what matters...or something like that. On the other hand, it's called a race for a reason, and eliminating the competitive aspect of it seems to fundamentally change the nature of the event into something it was never meant to be in the first place...but hey, what are you gonna do?

One thing that Evelyn is very good at is creativity. I have included a few pictures of some of her creations. She reads a lot and she will randomly write stories or research papers in her spare time. She reminds me a lot of a little boy I once knew a long time ago.

j

Winter turning to spring

I have written this post over and over again trying to figure out how to put into words what I want to say. At its surface, it's a pretty straightforward post about my career- some of the opportunities I have had lately and how much I love what I do.

But it goes so much deeper than that...

Almost exactly one year ago I was faced with the perfect storm of events in my life that sent me into a pretty deep spiral of depression. That's hard for me to say- I feel almost ashamed to admit it even though I shouldn't. It's true though. Through the culmination of many different threads of my life, I found myself in September 2014 staring into an empty future with no prospects, forced to admit to myself that I had been a failure, trying unsuccessfully to deal with the fact that I had let down virtually everyone around me, at a time when I felt like strength or support I usually drew from God or from family had virtually evaporated. It was pretty bad, and I  could seriously understand the strong desire people have to just unplug from the entire world and go numb.

But how do you write about that? You don't. Right off the bat, you have the problem of sharing too much personal information which makes people uncomfortable. Added onto this is the fact that many people will probably look at the situation, and instead of trying to understand will only find ways to cast the blame back onto a person for being depressed in the first place. This makes it virtually impossible sometimes to talk about difficult things. Like I said, I have written and re-written this post a dozen times and I finally concluded that it just can't be done. I'm sorry.

I do want to make one point though before moving on to the good part. Depression is a real thing, and for the person experiencing it, the world can seem very dark and hopeless. What I hope to show through the rest of this post is that things can get better. The future is always uncertain, and this reality comes as good news to anyone who finds themselves at a low point. So hang in there- I don't know how or why or when, but I do not believe that any emotional state can last forever- it is inevitable that things will get better eventually.

For me, this improvement happened over the course of almost exactly one year- specifically though, in the last six months or so. In that time I have seen dramatic increases both in my physical and in my emotional health, and today I enjoy a security and optimism about the future that has been missing for the last couple of years. Things are really good- and over the last few weeks they have gotten even better.

Let's circle back around now  to the beginning of the post- the part where I talk about how much I love my job. The last two weeks have been a whirlwind of activity on this front, and I have not had the time to write about things as they have happened.

Let's start on Monday the 21st: We had a big team training on this day with everyone from all the offices. There was a lot of team-building and a lot of talk about how we can improve the dental experience for our patients. It was a fun and productive day. That night, all the doctors (4 of us) went to dinner at the Coeur d'Alene resort where we ate good food, talked more about the future direction of the practice, and considered finances and opportunities for buying in as owners.

Tuesday, Sept 22: At the end of the day I was approached by Dr. Loftus and asked if I wanted to become the head doctor at the Post Falls branch of the practice. Would I ever! I immediately accepted the position, and then asked how inappropriate it would be for me to do a happy dance :). This is a huge opportunity that makes it so that everything else can fall into place. I am super excited to be working with the team in Post Falls which is amazing at what they do and fun to work with besides. The office itself is thriving, but still has a lot of room for continued growth, and the financial aspect of this chance has put Rachel and me almost a decade ahead of where we expected to be at this point. The location of the office is just minutes from my house, and many of my patients are people who began with me years ago when I was working at Heartwood. Professionally, there are almost limitless opportunities for growth from this point, and I can honestly predict that I will be working in this office for many, many years. Like I said before, the future is always uncertain, but I see nothing right now that would prevent me from spending my entire career with Loftus. Admittedly, the business that is not without its faults, but I am extremely proud to be a part of it and look forward to contributing to its growth.

Saturday, Sept  26: Free dental day. Those who know me well know that I love science and could easily have gone into a career in either academia or research (or both). One of the big reasons I chose dentistry instead of this is that I wanted to be involved more directly with the application of this science when it comes to helping actual people. I wanted to be able to meet the individuals who I was helping and form relationships with them and make a difference to them on a personal level. Now, there are a lot of other reasons besides this that dentistry was a good fit for me, but this was a big one. Because of this, I love being able to work in a place that has the size and resources to be able to do significant community outreach. I was involved to a certain extent with the planning of this year's event, and it was fun to see things come together. What was even better though, was being able to provide services to people who ordinarily would not be able to afford even the basic level of care that we were offering. Without getting too political, I will say that I think America has made huge strides in recent years when it comes to health care, but continues to lag far behind when it comes to dentistry. This much seems to be indisputable. And while I realize that answers to these shortcomings will eventually play out more out in congressional committees than they will in private offices, it still feels good to at least be able to play the small part I am able to in helping the situation.

Last week: My first full week as the Post Falls doctor went great. The individual team members seem to all be reading from the same page, which makes for a seamless flow of patient care, and I think people are noticing in a good way. The culture of the office is fun and warm, and we even came in #2 on the leaderboard for our efforts on Thursday (a friendly competition between about a hundred different doctors/offices).

Friday/Saturday: Study club. Dentistry is cool. You will find many dentists who agree with this statement, although each one probably has his or her area that they like to focus on more than others. For some, it is the cosmetic cases. For others, it is orthodontics, or root canals, or dentures. For me, it is surgery. Explaining why would be like trying to explain why I like a certain painting or piece of music- it just seems to hit that sweet spot. I love the idea of a perfect marriage between good solid biological theory with sharply hewn hand-skills like precision or dexterity. Surgery requires both, and is where I find myself getting the most fulfillment with the technical aspect of my career. Because of this, I love, love, love going to study club (Inland Northwest Periodontal Study Club). Two days worth of presentations, demonstrations, and hands-on instruction in the area I am most drawn to make me a very happy dentist! Yesterday I got to do a new surgery that I have been wanting to learn for a long time- a certain type of gum graft- and it went beautifully. After a few more days like yesterday I can see me offering these to my patients fairly regularly.

In a nutshell- work is going really, really well right now. 

Other things are too. Check out these pictures of the week:

Evelyn had a big cross country race. She did considerably better this year than last, and was even excited about running. I think the refreshments were still her favorite part though.

Addy and Jack got a little practice in as well

I had to put this up that Jack and I made for family dessert night- cinnamon roll cake. It may be my new favorite dessert.

Our happy Lindsey at the park

This is at a big family BBQ thing with Rachel's "Moms that Rock" group. This is a good bunch of ladies and Rach has made some good friends.

If you can't tell, I am holding the playbill for Catch Me If You Can- the fun musical that Rach and I went and saw on our date night last week. We had a great time.

Little Miss Sunshine

Once upon a time there was a little family.  This family was not little in size, rather the members were little in stature.  The mom and dad debated whether this little family with four children was complete, or if there was another child who would later join them... Thankfully, these parents decided that there was one more little to be added to create their perfect Hazard family.  Enter Lindsey Kaylin.

Lindsey is sweet sunshine.  I can not get enough of the time we spend playing together, giggling, and just having fun.  When she first met her cousins she was labeled as the "fairy child" because of her small frame and mini pixie like features.  As she has grown she has kept these features and she is as cute as ever.  Also, true to form (all of our girls have been bald until they were at least a year old), we had to wait almost a full year to find out what color Lindsey's hair was going to be. Surprise! It is RED! Logan and I are still trying to figure out where the beautiful red hair is coming from.  Pretty crazy.

Lindsey is walking everywhere now!  With this new skill along with a very active curiosity comes a greater trouble making ability. Last week I accidentally left the Vaseline within Lindsey's reach. In short order she had covered her entire body, most of her crib, her pillow, and numerous blankets.  After a lot of scrubbing and a large load of laundry (the pillow had to be thrown away because there was no hope) the mess was finally cleaned up.  As I walked out of the bedroom I noticed multiple large blue globs on the hallway carpet.  After a little investigation I discovered Lindsey in the bathroom in a large pool of blue toothpaste.  The vaseline covered laundry was soon replaced by the toothpaste smeared bathroom rug and various other items that became unsuspecting victims.  There was, however, a silver lining.  I learned that getting blue toothpaste out of the carpet is a breeze!  Lindsey is definitely a toddler...

For this Lindsey blog I would like to tell you about our sweet girl through pictures.

One of the most unique things about Lindsey is her feet.  They seem to have a personality of their own, and it is very... well.. Lindsey.  When I used to breast feed her she would immediately reach her leg up and do a heel hook across my chest.  This was very cuddly and endearing. In the first picture she was sleeping in her car seat and she managed to hook her foot over the side of the seat before passing out.  Could it be a comfort thing?

Besides hooking her tootsies in strange places, she also uses her feet as an extra set of hands. As a young baby she would lay on her back with a toy and pass it back and forth between her hands and her feet.  At times she would manipulate the toy entirely with her toes and feet. I think feet, in general, are being underutilized.  

 Lindsey enjoys peeping at her tootsies when she is not using them.  For a few months this was the position she preferred while lying down.  She could hold this stance for many minutes at a time, and I am convinced that she has baby abs of steel.  

One of the benefits of being the youngest is that on your first birthday it isn't the first time you get to indulge in something sugary, yummy, and full of delicious empty calories. I recall realizing on Evelyn's first birthday that her cake was one of the first processed sugar indulgences in her short life (Logan may have another story to tell on that one).  Lindsey, on the other hand, has benefited from many moments when her older siblings shared their indulgences.  This is Lindsey's first birthday picture at the park.  I highly recommend the beach setting as it was very easy to wash the kids off when they were finished!

This girl is definitely a "Papa's girl."  This is one of Logan and Lindsey's morning rituals. He carries her to the bathroom and they take turns giggling while pointing at each other in the mirror.  Priceless.

There is just something sweet about sleeping babies.  Lindsey is no exception.  I love sneaking into her room to watch her sleep.  My favorite position is spread eagle with her arms and legs flung out in all directions!  My second favorite is when she is on her belly and her little legs are tucked up under her stomach! I think this is a universal baby sleeping position.  It looks really cozy, but does not work very well with normal person dimensions...

I have always been quite enamored by tiny people who can walk!  On this vein I have always wanted a little tiny walker.  Guess what? Fifth time the charm!  I can not stand how cute this girl is when she toddles around.  I admit that I dress her in tight jeans and leggings so that it accentuates her cute littleness!

Our little Miss is obsessed with all things cuddly.  It is her sole purpose in life to cuddle with anything that is remotely soft.  She accomplishes this in short order by completely eliminating the middle man (actually positioning herself to cuddle) and instantly falls on her face on whatever soft looking object catches her eye.  She even eliminates the extra motion of bending her knees.  She only has eyes for the soft object of desire, and no extra movement is going to hinder her reaching her goal!

I am such a lucky mom!  Now that Evelyn is in school all day, Adalie and Jack have two and a half day kindergarten, and Maren has preschool three mornings a week I have some time all alone with this little sweets! I could catch this pumpkin all day long! With this new schedule I actually have one-on-one time with all of my kids throughout the week. I definitely take full advantage!

Here is a picture of Lindsey during our play time.  Some of our favorite activities are going on walks together, shopping together, playing in and out games. being goofy, and reading books.

On a bit of a sadder note, our sweet Lindsey is one of three of our kids who lost the gene lottery when it comes to eczema.  The last three months have been brutal for her!  Her whole little body has been fighting fiercely and she has handled it like a little trooper.  It does not help that her teeth are pushing their way through at the same time.  We have started putting tights on under her pants so that she can't pull them off and scratch her red swollen feet and ankles.  With the doctor's help we are fighting a good fight, and I see an end in sight!  Unfortunately it may not happen until right before she enters Kindergarten.  I have seen the eczema progression with Jack and with Maren.  I know that it gets better. Hang in there beautiful girl!

Although Lindsey loves to cuddle soft things, she has not been very interested in snuggles from us.   There is too much to see and to do to be bothered with slowing down for some loves.  Lately I have taken it on myself to teach her the art of cuddling. Whenever I tap my neck she will tap with her hands, smile, and lay her cheek against my chest for a few minutes.  This is our little game and I love it!  I have learned that she will rest on me a little bit longer when she is tired.  I treasure these moments.

Lindsey has figured out that some places are meant for her to stay and for us to leave.  Church is one of those places.  When we arrive at the nursery she is instantly in tears.  Yes, these are the saddest heart wrenching tears you have ever heard.  I am comforted by the fact that as soon as we are gone, so are the tears and the fun begins. The silver lining to this sadness is the happy dances and smiles we get when we return!

One memory that I want to have for the rest of my life is of Lindsey's reaction when I came home from Alaska.  I walked in the door and the second she spotted me she began to giggle.  It isn't necessarily normal for her to giggle, and these were not normal giggles.  These were very loud and continuous giggles. Our sweet girl hugged me tight and continued to giggle for half an hour because she couldn't keep all of her joy contained in such a little body.

Have you ever seen someone and thought they bore a strong resemblance to another person you knew?  Have you ever known someone that looked a lot like you?  My mother is that person for me.  We look incredibly similar (as evidenced in the picture).  Since Little L was born I have had another look alike.  There are moments when I catch a glimpse of her and I have do a double take because there is just something about her that gives me the impression that I am looking at a mirror and a much younger version of myself.  It is a strange and beautiful thing. 

Here is a picture of me and my look alike! I wonder if Lindsey will grow up to look just like me!