The Hazard Chronicles

We got a new car!

Honestly, we are in the middle of starting a business and are financially strained as it is, so we were sort of hoping to get another year or so out of our Caravan, but it was not meant to be. It was time. And that's okay- we got a great car for a great price, and we are excited about it.

See, we pride ourselves for driving our cars until they no longer run. Well, our van no longer ran. It has about 230,000 miles on it. The transmission makes a terrible clunk as it downshifts, and it won't shift into gear at all in cold weather until the engine has warmed up. All the coolant pipes need replacing because they are so rusted through and riddled with holes that there is no way to contain the coolant anymore. Consequentially, the car regularly overheats and we are forced to put more coolant in the radiator (which we make sure we have before every trip we make that is farther than 5 miles from our home). The suspension (what suspension) is totally shot. Totally. The heater doesn't work, and the radio won't turn on. The back door that lifts up won't stay up by itself- instead it waits for the most opportune moment to fall on you and crush you as you are struggling to remove our beast of a triple stroller. Sometimes the speedometer decides to stop working, but it usually starts up again if you just wait for a while. But, to it's credit, the engine itself still runs great. 

But...it has been a great car. We are the third generation in our family who has owned it, and it has been a lot of places. We personally drove it to New York (several times), Boston, Pensylvania (several times), Kentucky, Washington DC, Oklahoma, Texas, back to Ohio, and then across the country to Idaho, and Utah. And that's just in the past 3 years. I haven't done the research, but I would not be surprised if that car has been in every state in the lower 48. If not, then it sure comes close. Also, because of this car, Rachel and I have only had a car payment for a total of 4 months in over 8 years that we have known each other. It has saved us literally thousands upon thousands of dollars. 

And that's about as sentimental as I'm going to get, because now the car is going up on Craigslist to the highest bidder. We hope to get 1,000. We'll see though.

Our new car, on the other hand, is amazing. It is a Toyota Sienna- used, but in like-new condition (as certified by our mechanic), looks shiny and fancy, drives like a dream, and has all the bells and whistles. I know it's just a minivan, but I feel like a million bucks when I get in that car. Really- it is by far the nicest car I've ever owned. And even though we have a car payment now it is at a mere 2.5%, which tells me that my money would make more for me sitting under a mattress (due to inflation) than it would be if I paid off this loan any time soon. Not bad, especially considering that Rachel got them to come down on the price quite a bit as well.

We are very happy drivers.

Now onto a different subject. In the last post I promised everyone that I was going to get on my soapbox again, as I so often do on this blog, and have a little rant. Well, I aim to please, and I've already got my stage (which I keep close at hand) set up and ready to go.

Today I want to talk about people who think it is their moral obligation to tell you how to raise your kids. It's everywhere. And I don't know if it's just the people we interact with or if it really is everywhere, but I'm getting sick of it. I suppose there is the third possibility that we really do need to be better parents, but when I look at our kids I think, gee, they are well cared and provided for, they are healthy, they have a mom who can afford to stay at home full time and a dad who gets 3-day vacations every week to do fun stuff with them, they have great relationships with each other as well as with us, they are learning at a faster pace than their peers, they are extremely polite and obedient, and they remind me every night that they can't go to bed without first reading from the scriptures. To me, these are not deprived children. In fact, not to stroke my own ego or anything, but I like to think that they are such great kids because of some of the things that we do as parents (novel concept, I know). 

But for some reason, either people don't see all that or else they blatantly ignore it, because lately it seems like a lot of them have been telling us only what we can do better. If you are one of these people then listen- my kids make a lot of their own choices, and are learning to live with the consequences. I know you might think that kids have the intelligence of a cabbage, and it's fine with me if you treat your own kids that way, but I accept their autonomy on some things, and I think that is fine. In fact, I think that is good, because they are learning independence and self confidence. 

What am I talking about? Well, for starters, I will often let my kids dress themselves. Many times the clothes they choose to wear doesn't fit into the current definition of stylish. Okay- let's talk about this. First of all, there is no need to be stylish for a trip to Walmart, much less to the backyard to play. Second of all, stylish is in the eye of the beholder. Third, my children are learning to be independent and confident. If they come out after dressing themselves and all I did was ridicule their choices and force them to change then I am reinforcing a false notion that they are not capable of these attributes. And fourth, they will have a life full of their peers and their culture dictating to them how to dress, speak, and act. To me, it is more important to teach self-reliance and self-respect than the principals of conforming to a social norm in order to "fit in." The truth is that I see where society is going lately, and it is all I can do to hope that my kids will NOT fit in.

"Okay," you say. "That's all fine and good, but you are crossing the lines of safety. I saw your kid outside in the cold without a coat." 

My response: Safety? Seriously, they are going from the car to the house. They aren't going to die. Apparently your kids might- what can I say- my kids are tougher than your kids. We remind them to bring their coats, and they either forget or choose not to listen. In our family, there is this thing called consequences. If you forget your coat, you get cold. If you don't eat, you get hungry. And if you don't take care of your things, they break and you don't have those things anymore. Now I realize that to some people this sounds like parenting from the dark ages, but we think there is some value in learning about consequences from a young age.

Let me tell you a story. Last winter, I allowed Evelyn, my daughter, to go outside in the snow barefoot because she wanted to. At the time, there were a lot of people who criticized my decision. After all, what sort of father lets his daughter learn things for herself? Well, after about 1 minute she came back in the house crying because her feet were cold. This was predictable and I hugged her and gave her her boots. Let me tell you- that winter, she never forgot her boots again. The critics, on the other hand, were still chasing their kids down, wrestling them to the floor kicking and screaming, and forcing boots on their feet every time they went out. 

So if you accuse me of allowing my children to make mistakes, then I proudly stand up and reply "guilty as charged!" I will give my advice and then stand by and let them fall, freeze, crash, burn, fail, and flounder, all within reason, in order to teach them important lessons about the world and about themselves. I would rather have them test and learn their limits here and now, under my close supervision, then later when I can't be there to rescue them. I would rather develop a relationship of mutual respect and trust now, than one of authoritarian rule and judgmentalism that can't be fixed when they are older. I've known kids who were raised in a bubble. They don't make good adults. They don't make good teenagers. Sure, my kids might get hurt sometimes, but I think it serves a greater purpose.

And any of you who are reading this and think that I'm horrible, please go back and read the paragraph about our great children. They aren't neglected. They aren't abused. They are just good, healthy, well-adjusted kids. The parenting has got to have something to do with that. You might do it differently, and I'm not saying that your way is bad, but it is impossible to make a case that my way doesn't work because, as they say, the proof is in the pudding.

And so this is where I stand. I realize that I have come across as overly defensive and close-minded in my views. Maybe so. But please know that, at least in person, I am not. I am just tired of hearing it and smiling and nodding, over and over and over again, and NOT speaking my mind. And I figured, to quote the famous Lesley Gore, "It's my party, I can cry if I want to." So you get an earful.

Okay- I'm tucking my soapbox back into its hiding place. 

I need to go play with my kids. 

...Outside

...In the snow

...On a cliff

..In the dark

...NAKED.

Have a nice week!

 Our new car on the day we got it. Sorry we cut off the front. Just picture a minivan. If you can't do that, then come visit us and we'll let you see it.

 The best trick-or-treater.

Just in case you were wondering, this is what I would look like with black hair. Basically, the same as I look now...but with black hair.